There are only FOUR categories of people in the whole goddamn universe

Chuck Klosterman is my hero. I love Chuck Klosterman. He had the infinite wisdom to crack down the code of the universe, this whole goddamn fucked-up matter, into four simple categories of people. In his book "Killing yourself to Live", he explains that the world he saw as a 10th grade was one of "only four kinds of people [...]: girls you want to fuck, girls who are unfuckable, guys you want to kill, and guys who are generally okay".

As I reach my 27th year, I realize that the way I see (and categorize) my environment hasn't changed much since then. Indeed, babes are simply hot or not, and dudes are either fucking cool or driving me ape-shit. It isn't much more complex. And that's that.

But let me elaborate a little bit further. I certainly do believe these four broad categories set the framework. But within the brackets, you have the scales. Think for a moment. THE scales. Yep, most notably the Hotness Scale. So, if I have a girl in my "fuckable category", she has to be, to me, at LEAST a solid 7. I ain't screw nothing below a 7. A friend of mine, a road buddy, told me once he'd go as low as a shabby 5 (he said something about personality, but I didn't quite get that one). That's okay, that's his vision of the universe.
But for me, nah, nothing under a 7. Below that, the chick's unfuckable. But that doesn't mean she can't be a friend. Friendship's okay four three categories: girls who are fuckable, who are unfuckable, and cool dudes. The only exclusion, very obviously, are guys you want to smash their faces into the ground. For Dudes, though, there isn't such a thing as scaling. There are simply cool dudes you like more, and cool dudes you like less. And the rest are assholes: they make it right into the "I'd rather kill you". This bracket includes former and present bosses; most politicians; all your elementary, middle school, and most of your high school teachers; science college professors; Brad Pitt; your driving instructor; your girl-griend's ex.

Now what about all the people you just cross in the street? The "random folks"? Well, for them, you very obviously should have a fifth category, labelled "matter". Matter because they are not in your perceived reality: you don't acknowledge them - so they don't exist within your vision of the universe. Sounds annoying? Well, simply think of it as puppets - puppets that make your walk more pleasant. Or the clapping folks in the background of a live-record of Britney. Got it? So, in the end, it's not really a category of people, but it's an element, like air, water, earth, and that... last thing.